Moving During Uncertain Times
In February 2020 I was in Missoula MT, it was my first time staying in my new vacation home, I was living out a dream that became possible for me the previous January. On my last night there, I realized I didn’t want to leave – I was in love with the beauty and the peacefulness of the area and nothing was going to stop me from living here full time. I excitedly returned home to Santa Rosa CA, quit an incredibly lucrative job, sold my house, and left all the familiarities of 36 years behind. At that time I was more clear than I had ever been on doing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. It was the first time I didn’t have any doubts about my decisions and I had faith that I was fully supported on my path.
It felt incredible, I had never been so happy and have never felt so free. I was going to start a new life in Montana, the place where I was born and raised, I was finally returning home to the place that had been calling to me for many years. The feeling I felt in Northwestern Montana was like being in a cocoon of warmth, comfort and ease. I was overwhelmed with bliss and joy. I don't think I stopped smiling for the first month I was there.
Soon this feeling wore off, I had moved to Montana in April and by November I was looking for places with better weather. “What is wrong with me?? I love it here!!” I thought. Then I realized I had loved it in Sonoma County as well, so I knew I could live in different places and be happy, I was no longer wanting to run away believing that the grass was greener somewhere else. I was confused though – what was I looking for? Was I unhappy? No. Was I bored? No. Was I dissatisfied? Yes, a little. Not much, but on my path of connecting back to my truest self I wasn't going to ignore this feeling. I knew there was somewhere I wanted to be, I just didn't know where that was. I caught myself trying to be ok with staying where I was when I finally I had an ah-ha moment. I was trying to make something work, and when it doesn’t feel right this is a form of suffering.
I was resisting a call to live life more fully. I was ignoring part of myself. I didn't feel 100% and I was back to playing small and limiting myself. Even with coaching others to do whatever feels best to them, I still had my blind spots and most likely still do. After much back and forth, even to the point of seriously contemplating moving back to Sonoma County, I made the terrifying decision to sell my house and hit the road with my little loves, Hank and ShiShi. That fear that arose within me was pure gold. Yes, I now know that when fear arises in me, there is something miraculous to come, that what is on the other side of that fear and limiting belief is magnificence, living life in its most rare form. Freedom was on the other side of that fear, and more than anything I wanted freedom, freedom from my own thoughts of lack and uncertainty.
I knew right when I made the decision to sell my home and take the path of the unknown that I was facing my deepest fear of not having a home base. My childhood was not stable and there were many years of not having a home base. Stability was something I was searching for my entire adult life. I got so used to moving that it seemed normal. I thought I was stable because I stayed in the same town. We don't see what we're not ready to see and I was finally ready to see how I was holding myself back. The perfect place for me to set down roots was out there and I was going to find it.
It is said that when you finally make a decision and become clear about what you want to do, the Universe/God will open doors for you, and it'll line up for you fast. Oh boy is this true and did it happen fast. I had only been in Missoula for a year and I was putting my house on the market. Yes, I know, I would get hit with capital gains and it was a crazy intense market but that wasn't going to stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I knew I was supported and guided and I knew beyond all doubt that I'd be better off because I followed my intuition and because I was stepping through my fears. The secrets of the Universe open up to us when we trust and have faith. I experienced this when I moved to Montana – no matter how scared I got at times, this faith carried me through.
I now live in Weaverville, NC, in the Asheville area. It checks all the boxes on the list I wasn’t even aware that I had. I am setting down roots and creating at a level within me that I didn’t know existed. I have found peace and stillness within. I am also learning what “no attachment” means. I am where I am supposed to be in this moment and that is good enough. This is what happens when we tune into ourselves, have faith and trust that there is a plan that it is not always known to us.
This is a journey that each one of us is on. We can't mess it up. Part of our path is to accept this – some days will be easier than others and that is the way forward. Sharing my stories is my way of offering peace and ease as you discover what this life means to you.
May your experiences bring more life to you each day, with more acceptance and more allowing.
